New York Knicks guard JR Smith is at it again. The talented but troubled playmaker was fined $50,000 by the NBA last week after a childish prank of untying the shoelace of Dallas Maverick Shawn Marion during a free throw.
A strong reprimand from both commissioner David Stern and the Knicks coaching staff went astonishingly unnoticed as Smith attempted to repeat the feat, this time unsuccessfully, in competition against the Detroit Pistons.
In an unending quest to be the laughing stock of the league, the Knicks reinstated Smith the following game to disastrous consequences. In a tightly contested battle the Knicks led the New Orleans Pelicans by two points when Smith fouled forward Anthony Davis.
Eager to make amends, Smith took matters into his own hands and attempted his tried and true method. He reached for the closest pair of shoes he could find, unfortunately Smith failed to realize they were his own. Snickering heavily, Smith quickly grabbed the laces of both shoes.
Mouthing out “loop, swoop, and pull,” he firmly tied both shoelaces together, winking at Coach Woodson, who stared at him in disbelief. Davis nailed the first free-throw, bringing the Pelicans within a point. The second shot clanked off the rim, rebounding to Smith who corralled the ball, a victory all but assured.
Smith strode forward, his shoes helplessly strung together, as his body crashed to the floor. Screaming wildly for a foul call, Smith released the ball into the arms of Davis. Shaking with laughter, Davis managed to put up a wide-open layup as the buzzer sounded, cementing the loss for the Knicks.
Smith stared at his betraying own feet, a perplexed look on his face. Knicks star, Carmelo Anthony offered a hand to the fallen Smith, then after helping him up proceeded to slap him in the face. Eager to retaliate, Smith advanced on Carmelo, only to sprawl to the ground again. Looking sheepishly at his shoes Smith whimpered, “Does anyone know how to untie a double knot?”
Unsurprisingly, Smith showed a lack of regret in post-game interviews. “Look, it’s a mistake that could happen to anybody,” Smith commented. “Some people miss wide open shots, others pass the ball out of bounds, I tied my shoelaces together. You miss 100 percent of the shoelaces you don’t tie.”
Smith detailed his plans for the shoelace tie to become an integral part of his evolving game. “With this latest effort I am now 1 for 3 on attempting to tie opponents shoelaces together. That’s 33 percent, a decent three-point shooting mark. Through dedicated practice and film sessions I intend to perfect this art and unleash it on opponents throughout the NBA.”
Commissioner David Stern released an official statement after the game, saying, “The NBA has decided that Smith’s punishment will be mandatory community service, since fines clearly have no effect on this individual.” Following this mandate, Smith has announced that he will open the JR Smith Center for Kids Who Can’t Tie Shoes Good, And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.
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