Continuing a tradition dating back decades, sports teams in
2020 will be offered an invitation to the house of the most powerful individual
in the United States, Megan Rapinoe.
A celebration at Megan Rapinoe’s house will replace the previously
glorified but forever tarnished trip to the White House, now useful only for
distinguishing which teammates on each championship team are still unapologetically
racist (Link).
A string of high-profile teams over the last two and a half
years have either refused to attend (Prompting the greatest tweet in sports history) or have not been invited because they have pussies
that they refuse to let a withering Cheeto grab (Link).
Instead, her holiness Rapinoe will host what is sure to be
the most coveted invitation short of a 2015 Hamilton ticket. The gold-footed
Rapinoe has cemented her status among political legends such as Washington and
Lincoln through accomplishments such as: foreign policy- Megan and her teammates conquering the globe
in arguably the only thing America is still number one at in 2019, LGBTQ+ advocacy-
being one half of the bad-ass-est power couple and an inspiration to millions, women’s
rights- leading a gender discrimination lawsuit to prove that Gyasi Zardes earning
more money than Alex Morgan is an affront to anyone who likes soccer and has working
eyeballs, and racial issues- being the first white and female athlete to kneel
with Colin Kaepernick (no joke here, just admiration).
While for years players have jubilantly exclaimed “I’m going
to Disney World” after winning championships, this is sure to be replaced by an
even more exuberant “I’m not going to the fucking White House… I’m going to
Megan Rapinoe’s house!!!”
